The Journey Part 10: Shooting at an Unfocused Target

If words could describe what was going on inside my head, heart and spirit, Chris Armstrong has said it better than me.

“ . . . On Sunday morning, I would walk in and feel the palpable presence of the all-powerful and all-loving Lord. On Saturday nights, at cell-group prayer meetings, I was mentored by wise “fathers and mothers in the Lord.” On Monday nights, I participated in the music ministry of a dynamic youth group.

Yet through the years, though this wonderful church formed me in the joy of the Lord that was my strength, I felt like we were missing something. As a stalwart outpost of the kingdom in a threatening world, our faith seemed somehow precarious. We stood, as we faced the world, on a foundation made of the words of our favorite Bible passages-our “canon within a canon”- and the sermons of our pastors and a roster of approved visiting evangelists. There was utterly no sense of the mystical massiveness of a church that had stood firmly for 2,000 years. No sense that our foundation actually stretched down and back through time. I didn’t have a clue who John Wesley, Martin Luther, Bernard of Clairvaux, and Ignatius of Antioch were. I just knew that I felt like I was part of a church that was in some ways powerful, but in other ways shallow and insecure in a threatening world that did not share our faith.

I now see that my early sense of the church’s insecurity stemmed from what J.I. Packer has called evangelicalism’s “stunted ecclesiology,” rooted in our alienation from our past. Without a healthy engagement with our past, including historical definitions of “church,” we are being true neither to Scripture nor to our theological identity as the church. Though Packer doesn’t put it this way, it is easy to see ways in which their stunted ecclesiology has led evangelicals to allow the world to shape the church.” (Chris Armstrong, The Future Lies in the Past, Christianity Today, February, 2008)

I could sense that I was getting closer, but the target was still unclear. The situation took a dramatic turn in 2006. It turned out to be a difficult year, but in retrospect I now see God's direction clearly.

2006 saw the passing of my father, my wife's retiring from active ministry work because of a serious back pain condition, a short lived, but life disrupting back injury and subsequent surgery for me got my attention. During times of deep contemplation I continued to seek the Lord about what I was doing and what and where he wanted me to go next. As the intensity of my feelings increased, my desire for a more ancient-future worship experience increased as well.

I consciously knew that whatever work the Lord had for me to accomplish at CHC was now coming to a close. In ministry there are always things that need to be done, but I believe that God calls certain people, for certain tasks at certain times. I had been putting off a church restructuring project for several years awaiting an opportune time. Through a time of prayer and conversations with the church leadership I sensed that time was now or never. We approached the membership with the idea for a new leadership structure. Our Elder Board was in agreement with the plan. According to the existing church constitution, it had to be ratified by the membership. To make a long story short, the plan went over like a lead balloon. It was the final piece of the puzzle that led me to conclude that my leadership days at CHC were over.

It was now January of 2007. I approached the Board of Elders again with my feelings that it may be time for a new pastor. I informed them that I would go away on my usual February vacation and that I would let them know if God reconfirmed my calling to CHC, or if he would confirm my feelings that it was time to leave. We headed for our vacation spot in South Florida where my brother lives and enjoyed a couple of weeks in the February sun. Most of our time was spent on the beach, reading, talking and trying to discern what God was saying. At the end our our time my wife and I came to the same conclusion. We were to move to North Florida. It was not a real logical decision as we had all of our family ties in South Florida and had only one connection to North Florida.

Dr. Charles Travis and his wife Deborah live and minister in Jacksonville. They have been close friends of ours for over 30 years. Chuck was my first Bible college professor and I had the privilege of presiding over his and Deborah's marriage ceremony. We have kept in contact over the years and valued each other's friendship. Dr. Travis is the president of Logos Global Network. A ministry that includes Logos Christian College and Graduate Schools. Dr. Travis had been asking me to move to Jacksonville to assist him at the College. Although I have always wanted to teach in a Bible college and had 14 years of experience as an adjunct professor in another college, I didn't feel that Logos was in God's plan for us.

Again, to make a long story short, I'll cut to the chase. I had been asking the Lord to give me some extended time away from pastoral ministry in order to rest and reconnect. I distinctly discerned that God wanted us to move to Jacksonville so I volunteered to work with Logos after my sabbatical until the Lord opened up whatever next chapter he wanted to write in our ministry lives. We moved to Jacksonville and the developments that ensued have been a wonderful surprise.

Tune in again in a few days and I'll have another installment ready for you to read. I hope you are having 1/10th the fun reading this as I have had writing it.

Peace