The Journey Part 8: Ancient-Future Worship

My biggest sense of dissatisfaction in ministry stemmed from the lack of connectivity between what the church was and what it was becoming. From a Pentecostal perspective there was, and continues to be, a great emphasis on discovering what God is doing now, and getting in line with it. To be fair to my full-gospel family, the same thing seems to be true about evangelicals in general. A case in point is worship music.

In many circles, songs or choruses that are more than a few years old are considered to be ancient, old, and no longer relevant. While it is true that some churches find a few choruses or songs from any age and they become their favorites, most "cutting edge" churches are continually teaching their congregations new songs week after week. The result is that there is little or no "common language" in worship from which to draw a meaningful worship dialog between worshipper and God. The same can be said about the Bibles that are used in church.

Bible publishers have become quite adept at identifying new markets and creating specific new Bible products for that market. As a result, the typical congregation seems to have a dozen or more Bibles being read by individuals and again there is this loss of common language. While I personally found it tedious to keep track of all of these new translations, the bigger loss was that the congregation didn't have a common language to communicate in.

The good news, is that there is always the language of the Spirit bridging the gap to help a congregation enjoy a unified worship experience. This was true in the days of my Catholicism where, although the mass was done in Latin, the cadence of the language and liturgy drew us together. There was never any doubt that we had experienced "church" in the Mass, even if we didn't understand what was specifically being said and sung. This was really brought home when Vatican II allowed priest to say the Mass in the vernacular. The little light came on as we would look at each other and say, "so that's what we've been singing and hearing?" The language of the Spirit bore witness that we were unified in this spiritual observance called the Mass.

While I am not advocating returning to using obscure languages in church services, I am advocating for a common language that draws God's people together in understanding the Gospel. These common elements can be drawn from historical developments within the church over the centuries. Enjoying the baby and throwing out the bathwater.

This is what I experienced at the Church of the Messiah in Jacksonville when I visited in February of 1999. There was a historical connection, clear preaching and teaching from the Bible, charismatic worship and an appreciation for all of what God has done and is doing, while maintaining an expectation of what God is yet to do. For the first time in over 20 years of being a Christian and pastor, I felt a part of the timeless God's agenda. I felt a connection with all the saints that preceded me, all of the worshipers around me, and a sense that this is what it is going to be like at the consummation of the ages when the Church from all time and around the world is gathered in worship before the Throne.

A small bit of eternity future and eternity past had invaded my present. I saw before me a partial fulfillment of Jesus' prayer, "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." My heart leaped for joy. I was shaken to my foundation and I knew things would never be the same again. I took this new found revelation back with me to ministry and tried to implement its essence in our church services in very practical ways.

I instructed our worship leader that we would find the best songs, whether they be ancient hymns or band new choruses emphasizimg whatever doctrinal or theological principle I was going to be preaching on. I dug out a couple of the ancient creeds and we would recite them together as a congregation. We changed the way we did Communion so that it would be a participative rather than a passive experience. Our worship was still great, our appreciation for the Table grew, and the preaching of the Word of God was still critically positioned in our order of service. But I also instinctively knew that it was more than just changing the order of service. I needed to learn more about "blended" worship and the Ancient-future connection.

For the next year, my prayer life and reading became more focused. With the heavy responsibilities of ministry it was all done in fits and starts, but the sense of mission was embedded in my heart. I wanted more. I didn't know where to get it so I prayed harder. God began to prepare me for the biggest move of my life.

I'll share that in Part 9: The move to Jacksonville, Florida.

The Journey Part 7: Common Ground

If we were going to realize unity in the body of Christ, we had to start with those who were at least somewhat similar in belief and practice. So I started with the group of pastors in our city who had a similar background of charismatic/pentecostal theology. There were about 12 participants who started meeting every other Friday for prayer, although on most weeks 6 or 7, whose schedules didn't have a conflict on that day, would show.

We talked about unity within our little fellowship and believed that if we showed unity amongst ourselves then our church members might catch the vision as well. I suggested an idea that we have a worship service together, not just occasionally but on a regular basis. We chose the 5th Sunday of the months that have five Sundays. This occurred four times a year. We wanted a venue where we could gather together on the basis of what we agreed upon rather than trying to highlight our distinctives which often kept us apart. We called our gatherings "Common Ground," and set a few basic parameters for our gatherings that would encourage unity. The rules were simple.

1. We would rotate our meetings from church to church.
2. The host pastor was not allowed to preach in his own church.
3. Our worship teams would combine as much as possible to form a unified team.
4. Our church members were encouraged to bring a two liter bottle of soda or a snack for a time of fellowship afterwards.
5. The host church would be responsible for set up and the guests would clean up afterwards
6. We would take an offering to be given to an organization that was not affiliated with any of the churches represented in our group.

The meetings were an incredible success. The cross-pollination that occurred created a wholesome sense of unity as our church members became aware of the extended Body of Christ. The worship part of the service was intense and we envisioned ourselves as a microcosm of the worship scene in heaven. But there was one thing that happened that we were not expecting. The profound respect that was shown for the other pastors by the people was an immediate confirmation that the old saying was true, "as the pulpit goes, so goes the pew."

The pastors committed to a covenant that we would not receive any church members tranferring from our midst without interviewing the incoming visitors, and then subsequently calling the minister of the church from which the visitors originated. In honoring one another's calling, the people followed suit. Church hopping slowed to a trickle and eventually stopped. There was no place to hide for disgruntled members with unresolved issues, so pastors and people dealt with issues of conflict and the churches became more healthy. John 17 was becoming a reality.

Other churches from other denominations joined us. We continued in our Common Ground services for 6 years until my subsequent calling to serve another church. I learned that leadership was critical if Common Ground was to be a reality. When I left to serve elsewhere, no one followed up on the concept and the meetings eventually ceased. I tried to replicate the idea in my new ministry assignment, but it never got off the ground. But my passion to see Christians come together was stronger than ever.

Yet another stream was running as an undercurrent in my soul. I was discovering ancient worship traditions and saw value in integrating this stream into my personal life and in the life of the church I was leading. I discovered Robert Webber and started reading his books. The Evangelical and Charismatic parts of my life and ministry would expand to include a Sacramental element. I tried to experiment here and there, although I really didn't know what I was doing, . My attempts weren't very fruitful because they seemed choppy and disconnected. I hadn't seen "blended worship" done successfully anywhere and so I had nothing to compare my effort to.

My trip to Jacksonville was on the horizon. Little did I know that my search was going to lead me to the fulfillment of my hearts yearning.

Stay tuned for Part 8: The Ancient Future Connection

The Journey Part 6: The Church Planting Years

It was early in December of 1980. I had just resigned from a church where I had served as an assistant pastor for all of 6 months. Upon assuming the position I became aware that the senior pastor was involved in all kinds of immoral and unethical behavior. Not wanting to have this revelation become a cloud of suspicion about my own ministry, I informed the presiding Elders of the information I had and quickly resigned, hoping that they would address the situation.

I was in prayer in the bedroom of our apartment seeking the Lord over what to do next in ministry. I sensed the voice of the Lord speaking to me. I was led to the window and through all of the clutter that was in my brain I heard, "What do you see?"

As far as I could see, there were endless numbers of homes and apartment buildings. The next question I heard was, "What is inside those buildings?" "People," I responded. Immediately the light went on.

My calling was to lead men and women to a saving knowledge of Jesus and to disciple them to live for and serve Him. I knew that as long as I lived I could expect to have plenty of work to do in this large, sprawling city of Chicago. Within 3 weeks we had secured a meeting place renting from a Baptist church that had been reduced to about 10 or 11 members all in their late 60's and 70's. They needed the rent money to keep their church open and we needed the space to start a church.

We began on January 4th, 1981. It was 6 degrees below zero. A perfect day to start a church. 5 people showed up and we were on our way.

As a young pastor, I didn't know any better so I started preaching and teaching on how I understood the church according to my understanding of the Bible. I fellowshipped with a handful of pastors and imitated some of what they did, but deviated whenever I saw no clear biblical reason to do what they did. God blessed us and we grew. Very slowly, but steadily we increased the numbers until we were in a position to buy our own building. I can write a book about this wonderful season in our ministry lives, but I'll cut to the chase.

During the time we were planting the church, I took on a side ministry job of teaching in a Bible college. This helped me to expand my studies in the Scriptures and the nature of the church. Over and over I observed that much of what churches did was steeped in tradition. Some of it good, some of it not so good. I noticed that the Pentecostals idea of history stretched all of 100 years. Reformed Churches went back about 500 years and Catholic and Orthodox churches went back 1500 years or more. With each succeeding revelation of the need for a correction, the new movement would pretty much abandon much of what the church had experienced before.

I also attended seminary at a Covenant graduate school. I was introduced to some beautiful liturgy that was absent from the typical charismatic/pentecostal church of my most recent experience. In the beauty of the liturgy, I saw God. Although I appreciated what I was learning and experiencing, I looked for ways to incorporate some of these beautiful elements into our church services. Occasionally we were successful. We began to experiment with novel approaches to the Communion table, we recited some of the ancient creeds, and studied some of the ancient fathers of the church in spiritual disciplines. But our efforts lacked continuity and consistency.

Our church loved to worship long, loudly and deeply. We incorporated all manner of instruments, dancing, and royal processions. We experienced spiritual gifts in abundance and the word of God was preached with liberty. The church was healthy. People were being led to Christ, discipled and equipped for ministry.

During that time I enrolled in graduate studies at the Moody Graduate School. Although Moody is not a full-gospel school the student body represented many different denominations. As I studied, I rubbed shoulders with many wonderful men and women of God. I saw their commitment to Him in the way they worked the ministry from the template that they had been trained in. I marveled at the many colorful threads that make up the tapestry of God's church. I desperately tried to glean and put into practice some of the elements of their understanding of worship and church life. The more I learned, the more I wished my other full-gospel colleagues would embrace more of a spirit of unity in diversity.

I started to seek out other ministers of other denominations to cross pollinate our understanding of God and how we pastored our respective congregations. The fellowship was sweet. I only wished that this kind of unity would grow, but I saw ever increasing division as new fellowships, denominations, and independent local churches continued to crop up during the 80's and 90's.

As my understanding of God's word increased, thanks to my studies at Moody Graduate School, and as our church benefited from the charismatic/pentecostal experience, I felt more complete, but also that something was still missing.

A big step forward occurred when we started our "Common Ground" services. More on that in Part 7.

The Journey Part 5: Denominationalism and Exclusivity

After having our Christian foundation laid within the Assemblies of God, I moved on to formal Bible training. I was exposed to the independent charismatic movement through the year and a half that I spent at Christian Life College in Chicago. It was there that I learned about local church autonomy, and leading a church by flowing in the Spirit, while making friends and colleagues who were zealous about winning people to Jesus Christ.

It is amazing, while looking back at my past experiences, how the influence of men and women you respect will dominate how you look at Scripture and how you lead in ministry work. I was discipled by wonderful men and women who loved God, His Word, and the Church. Their model of ministry made a lot of sense, so I adopted much of what I had learned from them into everyday ministry.

I was privileged to be pastor of a small church during my first year of Bible School. I didn’t know much at the time, but everything I learned in my classes during the day, I put into practice on evenings and weekends. If you were to attend our church during that time, you would have found the same zeal for God, His Word and the Church that I was learning about in the classroom. In a very humble sense I found myself on top of the world, as fulfilled as one could hope for. But it didn’t last long.

Many of my fellow classmates and colleagues in ministry had a tough time with liturgical, traditional churches and were quite vocal about it. They were quick to label them as the “frozen chosen” or to suggest that they had “all the wood but lacked the fire.” Their complaints encompassed just about everything done by traditional pastors in their churches. Everything was fair game. They showed their disdain for money that was “wasted” on stain glassed windows. They couldn’t understand how following a lectionary could benefit a church body. In their minds, singing out of a hymn book was part of a dead ritual and they lamented about the lack of the presence of the Spirit in the services.

Many of these critics had never stepped foot in a traditional church, but a number of them actually grew up going to these churches. It was unanimous. If you wanted to fit in with this bunch, you had to join the choir of criticism. Nothing good could ever come out of the liturgical churches. But I was uneasy. Surely these movements must have had relevance and significance in their day! What caused them to become dead? Were they indeed dead? Would it be acceptable for us to just write them all off? Was renewal the answer, or did we have to convince and convert them?

I transferred to another school in Southwest Missouri to get my undergraduate degree. The town had two Bible colleges, one Assemblies of God and one Baptist. It was there that I was shocked into the reality of denominationalism. On two separate occasions I was exposed to the dangers of exclusivity.

During my junior year I was asked by one of my classmates if I was going to seek licensure with the Assemblies of God when I graduated. I responded at the time that I couldn’t see myself aligning with the A/G’s because of some differences in eschatology (view of the end-times), and because they wouldn’t allow anyone to be licensed to ministry if they or their spouses had been previously married and divorced, regardless of whether the marriage happened before or after a conversion to Christ. I couldn’t reconcile their views with how I was understanding the Bible. This classmate’s reply stunned me. “If you aren’t A/G you’re not going anywhere in the ministry.”

I realize now that it was a childish response on his part, but it went against everything I held dear in my heart. Jesus prayed that we would be one (John 17) and I wasn’t going to be a part of something that would exclude other bonafide Christians from the Body.

A few days later I was driving to class. Ahead of me was an automobile with a bumper sticker that read, “Accepting Jesus as my Savior made me a Christian, Reading the Bible made me a Baptist.” There it was again. That sectarian, exclusive spirit wasn’t limited to Pentecostals. I later found that it exists in just about any denomination I have encountered. Maybe I was naive, but I was grieved. I committed myself to being interdenominational in scope and Spirit. And although it gave me much peace, it repeatedly became a stumbling block to others who weren’t like-minded. Some questioned my commitment to pure doctrine. Others called me confused. But I never wavered. Something inside of me kept pointing to the fact that real Christians could be found in all denominations and we should be striving to fellowship along the lines of what we agree on and stop drawing new lines that would further fracture the Body of Christ.

After graduation, I moved back to Chicago and we planted a church. I’ll pick up that heart-warming part of the story in Part 6: The Church Planting Years.

The Journey Part 4: The Assemblies of God Years

I returned back home and told my girlfriend that my life had changed as a result of my decision to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. At the time I didn't know that she had made a decision as a youngster but had strayed from the faith in her early adult years. She had been taught that a relationship would not work unless both partners were committed to serving the Lord. She rededicated her life to the Lord and a few short weeks later we we started a new life together as a married couple.

Since the only church background I knew was Catholic, we visited a Catholic church. The mystery was there, but the understanding was still missing. The following Sunday we attended a Nazarene church and I knew that we were on the right track. The pastors sermon helped me to understand what was in the Bible, the people were incredibly friendly, and the hymns we sang were spiritually enriching. We were only there a few short weeks as we moved to a house closer to the base where I was stationed.

One of my friends had also become a Christian while I had been doing my tour in Guam. He was attending a local Assemblies of God church and invited us to attend with him. I didn't know the difference between a Baptist, Lutheran, Catholic or Pentecostal, but on our first visit to this A/G church I sensed a genuineness among the people, the pastor had passion as he preached and the singing was extraordinary. There was much audience participation and it was there I was introduced to the Baptism in the Holy Spirit and the manifestation of spiritual gifts. We made it our church home for the remaining 3 years I had left in the Air Force.

I learned about Bible study, worship, evangelism and serving. During those years we were very active in street witnessing, jail ministry, worship leading, and teaching Sunday School. Eventually I was asked to serve on the deacon board. These foundational years exposed us to the charismatic stream of the Church. During that time my calling into ministry was confirmed as my love for God, His people, and those who were still in need of salvation, continued to grow. I was asked to preach my first sermon a couple of weeks before I was discharged from the service. I was scared to death and I felt that I had bumbled my way through, but I had enough confidence to give a simple altar call and four people responded to received Jesus as Lord. I was hooked. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that being full-time in ministry was the Lord's calling on my life.

The intimacy of living and walking in the Spirit filled a great void in my life. The study of the Bible increased my understanding of God, and the experience I was able to get in various sorts of ministry whet my appetite to want more. This yearning has not ceased to this day as I have found that growing in the Lord is a lifetime pursuit.

I knew if I wanted to serve God in full time ministry, I would have to go to Bible college or seminary to properly prepare. The journey continues with my attending a variety of Christian colleges and seminaries which have helped me to be open to the valid and various expressions of church life that comprise the Christian church. While I have certainly seen that each group has its strengths and weaknesses, I have found my greatest fulfillment in concentrating on what these groups have in common rather than in their differences.

The journey continues as I fill in the background of the experiences I have had while doing and being trained to do ministry. Come back for The Journey Part 5: Denominatinalism and Exclusivity.

The Journey Part 3

It was the summer of 1973. The U.S. was looking for a way to save face and get out of Viet Nam. I was a B-52 mechanic in the U.S. Air Force. I was stationed in Guam. We were working 12 hour shifts, 7 days a week launching and recovering up to 30 aircraft per day. Each one was loaded with up to 66 five hundred pound bombs. We were carpet bombing Viet Nam and Cambodia providing cover for our troops as they were loading up to leave the country. Then it dawned on me. Those bombs were killing people, and in many cases innocent civilians, some of who were children.

It was the first time I understood that "collateral damage" was a term used as a euphemism that included not only property, but people as well. This thought played on my mind each day as I reported for duty and left me restless each night as I tried to sleep.

One evening, after completing my duty shift, I returned to the barracks to find one of my fellow airmen passed out drunk sleeping on my bunk. I literally lost it. I flew into a blind rage and I grabbed the guy by the neck and started choking him. I was later told that it took 5 guys to pry me loose. I didn't remember much, other than I was angrier than I had ever been.

I stripped the bed of the sheets and headed to laundry supply to get some clean bedding. I returned, hastily made my bed and lay down on my back with my hands behind my head staring at the bottom of the bunk above me. One of the other fellows in our cubicle of bunks whom I had never even shared a greeting said to me, "The answers to the questions you have are found in the Bible." That's all he said. I never saw him again. I later learned that he was transferred to another base the next day.

As I lay there stewing in my frustration, the words played in my head like a tape recording over and over. All at once I remembered that I was given a Bible by the Gideon's when I was inducted into the armed services. I had carried it dutifully with me to basic training, technical training, my first home base assignment and then on to my tour of duty to Guam. I had never read the Bible, and it wasn't much more than a good luck charm to me. I proceeded to open my locker and dump all of the contents on my bed. There at the bottom of the duffel bag was the little green Gideon's New Testament.

I started to read at the beginning and sensed that the words were written specifically for me. I was introduced to the person and work of Jesus and his followers. I read the entire New Testament in two days. At the back of the Bible was a "decision" page. It had a simple prayer to recite and a space to sign my name and provide the date. On November 11, 1973 I surrendered my life to Jesus as my Savior and Lord.

There are a lot of details that add color commentary to this part of the journey, but the most important part has been recorded. I was now a new creature, a believer and follower of Jesus.

That night I set my radio alarm clock for 6AM. At precisely 6AM the radio turned on and I was awakened to Johnny Nash singing, "I can see clearly now the rain is gone. All of the dark feelings have disappeared. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright, bright sun shiny day." My heart leapt inside of me, as I was instantly convinced that those words were absolutely true. To this day every time I hear that song I remember that I have given my life to Jesus and his promises are true and sure. Imagine that, God would use a secular singer, song-writer to confirm his work in me. I l ike to jokingly say that Rod Stewart and Johnny Nash were instrumental in leading me to Jesus.

I was transferred back to the States four days later. That's where I'll pick up the story.

The Journey Part 2

I was born and raised in a Roman Catholic family. Coming from a Hispanic background it was expected that the family would be Catholic and raise their children as Catholics. Although we were baptized as infants, my parents were mostly non-practicing Catholics except for a couple of periods when they experienced a spiritual awakening of sorts and attended Mass regularly for a period of time.

I remember as a youngster being taken to the neighborhood parish. The first thing that I saw upon entering the church was the very high ceilings, the smell of incense and the beautiful stained glass windows. I recall very intense feelings of awe and mystery but didn't understand much of what went on during the service because it was done in Latin. Nevertheless I saw people young and old genuflecting (kneeling and crossing themselves before they entered and left the pews), holding rosary beads, and women with their heads covered with shawls and hankies. In the midst of all of the ritual, symbol and liturgy, I was convinced that there was a higher power behind it all, but He seemed obscure and hidden.

At that time the public schools had early release for children who wanted to leave class in order to participate in catechism (instruction in Catholicism to prepare for First Communion). I took advantage of early release, certainly to get out of school, but mostly because I was interested in spiritual matters. I finished the catechism course and partook of first communion at the age of ten. It was a big deal in our family. My parents bought me a suit and even threw a party. I was now officially able to participate in communion every Sunday if I also went to confession on Saturday evenings in preparation.

I continued in Catholic instruction in order to be confirmed. The bishop was invited to confirm our confession of faith and to impart to us the Holy Spirit. At least that is the way it was explained to me although I never fully understood it. It was another excuse to have a nice party and I felt more spiritual than ever. This was all well and good, but then puberty struck. I drifted from Catholic mass observance and got involved in what all adolescents do during that stage of life. I won't bore you with the details.

About that time (15 years old) my Dad had another awakening experience. Although I wasn't all that interested personally, I was impressed with what this awakening did for him. I especially remember a time when he was preparing to drive me to school in subzero weather in Chicago. He hummed spiritual songs as he scraped ice off the windows and he seemed so calm, peaceful and unbothered by anything at all. I was glad for the influence on his life because those couple of years of his spiritual renewal were some of the best years I remember as a young man growing up.

During high school I felt a sense of emptiness, like something was missing, but I didn't necessarily associate it with a spiritual need. I got involved in all manner of things to attempt to fill the void, but nothing seemed to work. High school was a bore and I made the ultimate bad decision of adolescence, I quit high school 3 months before graduation.

I loved the freedom of not being confined to school. I had a decent little job and just hung out and had fun for a few months. It wasn't until the next fall, when all of my friends went to school (high school and college) that I felt that emptiness return. I was walking to my job listening to my transistor radio when Rod Stewart's "Maggie May," was played. "Wake up Maggie I think I've got something to say to you. It's late September and I really should be back at school." The words hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was later able to interpret this experience as one of the first moves the Lord inititated to get my attention. Imagine that, God used Rod Stewart to get my attention. I did an inventory of my life and realized that I wasn't going to get anywhere unless I finished high school. I enrolled in the Air Force and finished high school through the Air Force Academy. I knew at that point that I had filled the gap that existed between where I was and where I thought I needed to go. Through the G.I. Bill I intended to go on to college, then law school and become an attorney. Apparently there were other plans for my life, as the emptiness returned. The spiritual void seemed more intense than ever. I commenced with asking the hard questions of life and had no answers.

Another chapter was yet to be written.