Hot Button Issue #8:: MARRIED IN THE EYES OF GOD…

A young couple asks you to dedicate their infant daughter to the Lord in a worship service. While explaining to them the significance of dedicating children, you discover they are not married. “If you’re going to commit yourselves to raising this child ‘in the fear and admonition of the Lord,’” you say, “you need to line your actions up with your words.” You explain that you will be happy to dedicate their child after they marry, since living out of wedlock does not teach Christian values.

“We can’t marry,” they reply. He provides well for his ex-wife from his salary, but she would extract an exorbitant amount from any joint business venture by the new couple. Remaining single enables them to avoid an unfair situation with his former wife.“Anyway,” they say, “we’re married in the eyes of God even if we’re not married in the eyes of the state.” How do you respond? And do you dedicate the child?

Let's Stay Together

The good news is that divorce rates are declining. The bad news is that more couples of living together without getting married. The good news is that many children are being raised by a mom and a dad. The bad news is that premarital cohabitation arrangements rarely pass the test of time.

There is a new kind of divorce occuring that isn't necessarily being tracked. Couples splitting after living together for a year, two or more. Often children are involved and the pain and the heartache is no less real.

Studies have shown that couples who live together most often do not get married. These same studies also show that if they do get married, the chances of their marriage lasting is no better than for those who didn't live together before marriage. The statistics are even worse for divorced people who get remarried. They stand a 60% chance that their second marriage will also not succeed.

God's prescription for marriage is as simple as it is difficult. A man and a woman join themselves in a covenant pledging to remain faithful to each other while honoring and respecting their partner until death separates them. But our selfishness often gets in the way and the vows are cast to the wayside.

Selflessness is at the center of a successful relationship. To put your spouse ahead of yourself is what is mandated by a marriage covenant. If both participants in a marriage relationship are doing it, the marriage will succeed.

What erodes a marriage relationship? What have you seen in your experiences as the key for married people to stay married? What can a church do to enhance the possibility of marriage success?

Cultural Hot Button Issues

The following material was borrowed, with permission, from its author who chooses to remain anonymous at this time. These are actual cases that have come up in a church or churches. I would like to put them out for your consideration and comment.

The question before us is, "How do we deal with cultural hot-button issues in our churches?" How can we navigate the controversies of our increasingly complex times? There are biblical principles--timeless truths--that provide guidelines so we can:

• show absolute love to post-moderns-who claim there are no absolutes.
• hold firmly to our convictions-yet do it with compassion.
• be caring and understanding-without compromising our values
• demonstrate forgiveness, grace and acceptance- while maintaining righteous standards.

Here is the first of a number of case studies I will be posting. Depending on the level and amount of dialogue, I will post one per week.

Case Number 1: Your church owns a parsonage, but since it is not needed for staff housing, the church board decides to rent it out. An ideal young couple fills out an application to rent-but lets it slip out that they are not married. As landloard, your church cannot discrimiate against them for their private behavior. But many church members assume you are condoning cohabitation if you permit them to live in a church-owned housing. What do you do?

Remember, these are actual cases churches have had to deal with.